Saturday, September 1, 2012

A Change of Perspective

Don't regret growing old. It is a privilege denied to many. It is hard to see those wrinkles and tough to watch your hair grey but you're lucky when you get a chance to.                                                                          The Bridge
 It struck me this summer that there are two big things I don't have to worry about anymore. Before I became ill, I worried about getting old.  I didn't spend a lot of time dwelling on it; I just noticed there were more wrinkles, a few grey hairs and my body wasn't as agile and energetic as it once was.  Being in my early sixties it was obvious that I had probably lived over two thirds of my life given my genetic history.  I didn't fret about it much but I did think about it.  Now that I have been diagnosed with incurable cancer, I hope and pray that I continue to get old! Living to be 70 or 80 sounds positively wonderful - wrinkles and all! Everything is relative.
The second thing I don't fear anymore is being diagnosed with cancer. When this thought came to me, I did have to chuckle at the absurdity of it. Thinking about someday having cancer wasn't something I ever spent a lot of time on but, like everyone else, I always hoped it wouldn't be part of my life.  Well, now it is and I don't have to worry about being blindsided by it.  If I relapse, which I probably will someday of course,  I will be tremendously upset.  However, it will never be like hearing for the first time, "You have multiple myeloma and it is incurable."  Isn't it interesting how one's perspective can change in light of a cancer diagnosis?
On Wednesday, I saw my oncologist for the first time in two months. It was good to see him since he has become such an important part of my life and I so enjoy his sense of humor. Having an oncologist who can make me laugh is a blessing in my book. The results of my blood work were mixed.  The best news was my kappa and lambda light chains and ratio are still in the normal range.  The not so good news was my WBC took a bit of a nosedive from 4300 to 3100.  That was really disappointing to me because I have been feeling so well and have started getting "back into my life" as I stated in the last post.   I couldn't help but worry even though I know my WBC has dropped before.  I have been feeling somewhat gloomy the last few days because of this and I am working to overcome that.
Last Monday, my husband and daughter and I rode on the Great Seattle Wheel which is located on the waterfront.  It was a stunningly beautiful day and Seattle never looked more scenic.  It was another small moment to savor.
The Great Seattle Wheel
 View While Waiting in Line
Washington State Ferry
Space Needle
               
I couldn't resist : )
Beautiful Girl, Lily 

10 comments:

  1. Carole Leigh - yes, there is so much to be said about perspective and appreciating what we have and what we can enjoy in each moment - like the beautiful day you all had on the Seattle Wheel ( a place I will not be going!! ).

    I think another blessing post cancer diagnosis and all you have been through is the follow up appts. with a beloved oncologist. They want to see us so they can keep tabs on how our bodies are doing. True, your WBC was not where you had hoped or thought but those numbers can fluctuate from day to day. If I remember correctly, that WBC is still within a good range.

    And it is September now and the days have been gorgeous! :)

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    1. Lynn,
      I always love to read your comments. Your words are so uplifting to me and I am thankful you are my friend.

      Love,
      Carole Leigh

      PS Brent agrees with you about the Wheel!

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  2. Carole Leigh - it is always a joy to share some comments with you ( here or elsewhere ).

    I remember post my cancer time when I'd visit my surgeon and I'd have questions and told him I felt awkward asking him about such and such or how I was feeling. He was amazing so it was not any issue about him. I adored him! It was what he said to me that prompted my comment to you. He said he needed to know everything I was feeling or wondering about because then he could sort out what he knew ( professionally ) needed his attention and also reassure me of things that did not. My oncologist was the same way. I love knowing you have such caring and thorough doctors!

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    1. What would we do without our caring and brilliant oncologists? Your doctor's words are so important and true.

      love,
      Carole Leigh

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  3. Hi, Carole, your comment about no longer fearing cancer truly hit home with me. It's so true! I've been on Revlimid maintenance for two and a half years now, and I spend no energy worrying about secondary cancers. Please don't stress out about the WBC. Mine has never been above 3500, and I'm OK.

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    1. I am inspired and encouraged by your words! Thank you for sharing!

      Love,
      Carole Leigh

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  4. Encouraging news, Carole.. I loved the photos, but especially the cat who reminds me of my "Cinder", a Russian Blue I got just after Mt. St. Helens erupted. Sadly I am leaving the Seattle area for awhile, but will continue to follow your blog.

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    1. Sandy,
      Your Cinder must have been a beauty. I love the Russian Blues. They are simply gorgeous!

      I love reading your comments. Thank you!
      Love,
      Carole Leigh

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  5. hello carole,

    i really liked this post, and the photos as well. oh, that little lily - what a beautiful kitty! both hugh and i love cats but, alas, hugh developed a virulent allergy to them so we've had dogs. our sadie, a border collie mix rescue dog, has been such a joy; she lives with an attitude of gratitude, coming to us at 10 mos. after being given up by her mom and dad, losing her family and her home. when ever we give her a treat, she sits without being told to, takes the treat in her teeth, remains sitting, and locks eyes with us. we know she is saying, "thank you" every time. also, when she is with both of us, mom AND dad, she is ecstatic, alternates giving both of us kisses, and especially loves it if we hold hands - she nuzzels them with her chin, and kisses them, and looks into each of our faces as if to say, "Yes, this is my FAMILY!" throughout these last 3 years, she has known when we haven't felt well, and puts herself on vigil to see that we are safe and to be by our side and comfort us. don't you wish everyone could have a lily or a sadie? i often think if every human on the planet could have a pet to love them, the world would be a much better place.

    i agree with lovey's good comment - don't worry about the WBC's. it's entirely possible the higher count was seeing you through a secure adjustment/alignment of your immune system, but now you are perfectly healthy and don't need them in the higher numbers.

    i am so happy for your continued new lease on life, enjoying so much - travel, your home, family, and just having fun!

    love,

    karen (s.)

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    1. Hello Karen,
      Your little Sadie sounds like such sweet soul. My Lily is also a rescue pet and there is something so special about those animals. Sadie must be so happy to have found you and very lucky, I might add! Animals are such wonderful caregivers. They do know when you are not well. I remember a book I used to read to my first graders. It was called Dr. Katz. It was about how two cats used to take care of the little girl in the story when she was ill. I always think of Lily as my Dr. Katz.

      I like your words about the WBC! I see my oncologist next week and, of course, I will be nervous. However, I continue to feel well except for a little cold I have right now.

      I hope you are doing well.
      Love,
      Carole Leigh

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