Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Fading Sunrise


The beautiful sunrise of a hopeful new year is already on the wane.   Glorious colors and glimmering light have begun to fade to gray and it is only January 16.  After nearly two years of remission, myeloma is edging back into my reality as my lambda light chain continues to rise.  I am relapsing.


That is the bad news. The better news is my bone marrow biopsy and CT scan of a few weeks ago were fine and the myeloma activity is minimal at this point.  My oncologist and three of his colleagues recommend watchful waiting for now. He knows that I am feeling well and that is an important consideration in the decision to start treatment. My doctor did say he was prepared to start me on a low dose of Revlimid if I was upset and wanted treatment, but his preference was to wait a bit.  I trust my doctor’s judgment and I am in complete agreement. Since I see my doctor every month, I will be closely monitored.

Even though I know relapse is inevitable it is, obviously, difficult to think of it actually happening.  In my imagination I had put it somewhere far off into the future. Relapsing was a vague vision and if I didn't think about it too much, it seemed like it just might go away.  

When the time comes to begin treatment, it is encouraging to know that there are options that could lead to a postive outcome and it is comforting to know that this myeloma can be "slapped down" again!  

After my initial disappointment and sadness, I think I have regained my positive attitude for the most part. I can still appreciate the small moments that fill the soul. Yesterday, it was a frosty, cold, clear day as I was driving along a highway where right next to the lane, on the guardrail, was a large and splendid hawk.  I often see hawks along that stretch of road but never so close to the traffic.  As I passed by, he gracefully took flight and he was magnificent. 

Closer to home, I had another moment to savor. Here is my blogging assistant who had just awakened from a nice warm nap on my laptop:

 Naughty Aislinn
 

9 comments:

  1. oh carole, i am so sorry there are signs of relapse, but very encouraged by the faith and trust you have in your medical team. THAT'S HUGE! and to know that there are many options to take action with must also be reassuring

    being the very special soul i know you are, receptive and so responsive to so many wonderful gifts your life presents you with each day can't help but quell much of the interior worry and fear. still...i know they are bound to creep in now and then. so i will be BELIEVING for you that you will continue to reach down deep and grab onto all the things that bring you comfort, enjoyment, and BIG hope, while still savoring the people and things that bring you happiness.

    i wish i could give you a real hug - but hope you can feel this cyber one, no less warm and loving, as it flies from my fingers and into your heart. pet your darling aislinn for me - such a lovely kitty.

    love, XOXO,

    karen, TC

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    1. Karen,
      I DID feel your cyber hug and I thank you for it and all of your encouraging words. I also gave Aislinn a pet for you. She is such a dolly!
      Love,
      Carole Leigh

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  2. Carole,so sorry to hear that you are now officially relapsing due to another successive rise in your light chains but glad to hear that you are feeling well and dont need to start treatment yet, lets hope it continues like that for some time. I fear I may be following your transitional path as I have had two successive rises in my kappa light chains which are now outside normal range. The next test in February will confirm or not whether this is the case. Like you I am feeling well and am very active at the moment and it is the moment that counts.

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    1. Wendy, I hope you have good news at your February appointment. You and I are both lucky that we are feeling so well and are active....I don't think I am as active as you....but I keep busy. I'll think good thoughts for you.
      Love,
      Carole Leigh

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  3. Carole, I will hold you in the Highest Light of healing and energy to keep the other numbers in line and know your team at SCCA will stay on top of things for you. Intending some of the other options are giving you hope and encouragement.

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    1. Thank you so much, Sandy, for your caring support.
      Love,
      Carole Leigh

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  4. Hi Carole, so sorry to hear the relapse news...but there certainly is GOOD news within your not-so-good-news re your BMB results!! I believe our diagnosis dates are close? I was diagnosed 12-30-2009. You wrote my thoughts when you said "Even though I know relapse is inevitable it is, obviously, difficult to think of it actually happening. In my imagination I had put it somewhere far off into the future. Relapsing was a vague vision and if I didn't think about it too much, it seemed like it just might go away." When people ask about me, I tell them I live month to month, based upon my blood test results... we just don't know when the MyelomaMonster will invade... I wish you all the best Carole, and I look forward to reading good news about your situation... by the way, I was on lo-dose maintenance Revlimd (5mg) for a year and a half after my SCT. Were you? Take care, be well, stay positive and glad to know you trust your medical team. I trust mine too. Hugs xoxo Julie from CA ... ps- may I use your quote and site your blog in my next posting?

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    1. Hi Julie,
      Yes, our diagnosis dates are very close. Mine was 01/18/2010. It truly is a month to month existence. After each appointment, I think, "Well,I will try not to worry about this until next month." I always presume that nothing drastic can happen in four weeks! I was on Velcade maintenance after my SCT, but only for about six months. Absolutely, you may use my quote and cite my blog. I would be honored. I wish you all the best, too and thank you for your kind words of support.
      Love,
      Carole Leigh

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  5. Carole Leigh,

    I stopped by to visit your blog and this is the first awareness for me of this news you shared. It has to be a lot to work through ( to say the least ). I know you will always seek out the positive but getting there often takes a bit of time. When any of us hears overwhelming news, we do need to take time to feel and process it.

    I have said this before. I am so grateful for your medical team and how much trust you can put in them as they have proven trustworthy.

    My continuing prayers are with you as I keep you in thoughts and heart.

    Love,
    Lynn

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