Friday, March 9, 2012

Thoughts Revisited

“I feel like my physical body is 
at war with my soul.”

In October of 2010 when I began my journal which is the basis for this blog, the above thought is what inspired me to start writing.  This thought struck me in the shower, slapped me in the face and began to shape the new reality I was trying to understand.  I have thought about it many times since because it captured both what I was feeling and the internal narrative that I was creating. In fact, it seemed to control my thinking for over a year.  It wasn’t until the last visit with my counselor that I began to change my view.  She wisely suggested that I rethink this idea. She pointed out that the reality is my body is at war with the myeloma and fighting for me, not against me. It is the myeloma cells that are at war with my body and my soul. I know she is right.  

With the help of modern medicine and exceptional doctors, my body has been able to wage war against the myeloma cells and put them at bay for now . . . remission. With the help of a loving and supportive family and compassionate and loyal friends, my soul has been nurtured and I feel stronger every day . . . living.